Hi Stan,
I like your book so much that I'm recommending it to absolutely everyone. It truly is a "gift" to those of us who have to deal with people who have personality disorders.
"Say Goodbye to Your PDI," by Stan Kapuchinski, M.D., should be issued to everyone at birth because sooner or later they're going to need it. Wondering why people leave you feeling badly, wishing you'd said something and wondering what would have done any good when you've pretty much tried it all with no results, etc. is darned frustrating. Dr. Kapuchinski explains why we feel that way -- it really is them and not us! What a revelation and what a relief. Set out in terms we can all understand, and with appropriate scenarios along the way, he tells us what to expect and what not to expect for each type of personality disorder. Bravo! This is one book that I'll read again and again.

Darlene Arden, CABC, Author, "Rover, Get Off Her Leg!"
Warmly,
Darlene
Darlene Arden, CABC
Journalist, Lecturer, Author

Dear Dr. Kapuchinski,
I have been meaning to write to you for a long time to say how eternally grateful I am to you for your information about the passive aggressive personality.

For years, I have dealt with my husband and spent a fortune on therapists none of whom ever mentions 'personality disorder' or 'personality disordered individuals" (PDI'S) that your book describes. I always got "How could you complain about such a nice man?"

He forever controlled me with guilt and I fell for it. He even got my daughter turned against me.

I just want you to know how much your writing about the passive aggressive has meant so very much in my coping. You have done so much for me, I just wanted to thank you. Now at least I know what I'm dealing with.

Marie R.

Hello Dr. K:
I read with great interest your article on Personality Disorders.

This is about my son-in-law. Our daughter and her husband have been married for 14 years. A very difficult 14 years to say the least. I can remember only too well his
confronting us with total anger and shrieking at us that we didn't understand his condition and were not trying to understand etc., etc. He definitely considers himself a victim of society and when he has lost job after job, it is always someone else's fault, not his. I have made it my business to seek out information on his problems and have sat down time and time again to hold some good conversations with him. Yet, no matter how understanding I try to be, he always comes back to the same old,
"I am a victim and society is out to get me." Our daughter was determined that this time she was leaving him, but in the long run she did not. She saw that he was making an honest effort to really change, but I have seen this pattern too often to believe that it will result in true personality change. I am waiting for the "other shoe to fall". No matter how informed I become and how much I try to communicate with him on the same level of understanding, I know that I am talking to the wind. He appreciates the fact that I really do want to help him, but in the long run, he just takes advantage of me. He is definitely a very manipulative person and wants to control every situation. He has managed to receive Disability from the State of New York. I understand that this is Federal Disability, not just state. His Lawyer and his Drs. have worked on his behalf to get this Disability. They say that in a couple of years he should have be able to once again join into the stream of employees and make his own living. He says that he will immediately become very ill, should he try to work again and can not possibly work. By now you are wondering why I have written this long epistle to you. Well, your book is the first really comprehensive article I have seen that truly describes our son-in-law to me. He was so charming in the beginning of our family relationship. After a while, it seems it was just too much bother to put on the pretense any longer and he changed. Our Daughter is the epitome of Womanhood. She is kind, loving, compassionate and intelligent. She has given him every opportunity to become the type of husband and father that he should be. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she strives, she cannot overcome completely, the negative attitude that he spews around at home. Yet, I wanted you to know that you have given me a great deal to think about and know that no matter how much I may want to help him and our Daughter may want to trust him, he probably will not change.

Thank you for taking the time to write about the Say Goodbye to your PDI and the part about passive aggressives. It fits our Son-in-law to a "T". I imagine there is more of this type of Disorders around than we could possibly know.
Sue M

Dr K.
I just wish to thank you for your newspaper column articles of Mar.28 and April25.
I have been in a relationship for the past two years that is just a classic example of passive aggressive personality disorder. Absolutely everything fits. I have hoped for changes that I realize will never happen and unless there is something that I am missing here I just don't think it should continue.

I am looking forward to your next article in which you tell me how to deal with this man. I hope I will not miss it. When will your book be published? Could you possibly just give me a couple of clues?

Thank you. MLJ

Dr. K, I read with great interest your newspaper column which had excerpts from your book Say Goodbye to your PDI.

The story you told could have been my daughter, and I am eager to get a copy of your book. Can you tell me how to purchase a copy?

I also wondered if someone with Borderline could benefit from reading the book? I don't believe my daughter, who has a dual diagnosis of Borderline and Bipolar would be able to recognize the description as fitting her situation. She is 20 years old, with a baby which has helped some, but truly "hates me and loves me" to the point that I can't really take it any more.
I am at the point where I don't want to give her any gifts or help because I just get attacked or publicly damned.

Thanks for information on how to get your book,

Linda B

Dear Dr. K,
I read your excerpt from your book in the The Sun on the passive-aggressive personality. I wish I knew when you are going to have more articles on this personality as you mentioned you were going to in the paper.

My husband has this type of personality and he has driven everybody in our family away. I've put up with it for almost 30 years and believe me if I could get away from this man I would leave in a heart beat.

My daughter (the only one in the family who deals with him) and I laugh about the fact that Dr. Phil wouldn't even be able to deal with my husband.

I've have tried to learn not to provoke him in any way that will bring on an argument as a person can never win with him. There are times that I feel I'm going to kill him or myself when dealing with him. People we know have finally realized what I mean when I say that. He has no friends anymore. Nobody wants to be around him.

When will your book be published? It would be most helpful in knowing more about this.

Sincerely, Janice

Dear Dr. Kapuchinski,
I've been reading with great interest you recent series on passive-aggressive personality disorders. For over thirty years, I've been trying to "fix" my daughter, and have, in the process, probably alienated my other children for paying too much attention to the one. I MUST say thank you for finally making me understand, I can't fix her. As your series
suggests, it is very difficult to deal with her without falling into the same patterns where she continues to manipulate me.

Are this and other disorders an acquired trait...inherited...genetic? Is there any acceptable treatment for these people. My daughter has been on various medications for years, but says they don't help her depression, and make her fat. I realize these are probably no more than excuses, but what is the prognosis for these patients?

I appreciate the time you take to consider these questions, and look
Forward to buying your book.

Sincerely,
Elsie

Dr. Kapuchinski,

Thanks more than you know, the "miserable ones" appreciate your insight. For me, the oldest son, who has sort of taken the responsibility for helping to shield others, the most succinct comment was your remark about "bit players". That has been true since I was a wee child, I had never used those words but they are quintessential.

If you need a case study, let me know.

Otherwise

Thanks again,

Darryl on behalf of "the miserable ones"

Dr. K,
Thanks for the article. You describe, almost in exact detail, what my mother's approach to life is. She has managed to affect and control almost everyone in her domain. At this point she pretends to have withdrawn from us all but I believe
it is a form of "punishment" for our lack of submission to her "control". If I read your advice properly, our approach needs to be " Stop Allowing her to Control". OK, we seem to be doing that pretty well but I see no change in her whatsoever. The second lesson from your article seems to be that we shouldn't expect her to change no matter what we do.
That was the most helpful in giving the coping skills to finally accept what or whom I'm dealing with. You have done me a great service.
Thanks
Henry